Knee Deep...

Mike & SGT Barrett in Iraq 2006

Mr. Riley is hot stuff!!

OK, I would say we are about knee deep into this deployment now. It is sucking REAL bad. I am managing....morelike surviving, but I odnt know how long I can keep it up. I know I will be heading home for awhile this summer, probably like 3 weeks since that is all I can handle at home. But I need it. The past 2 weeks have taken their toll on me. I think it has sent me into a never ending Anxiety attack....I am just hypervigilant lately. I keep thinking bad things are happening to my husband, which isnt good. I have been able to calm myspef this past week, by having to be strong for my friend Shelby. She is now a widow. I feel horrible that her husband is no longer alive. But Mike is trudging on, so I shall too. I just worry all the time.

OK on to other things, today I had a Parent/ Teacher conference with Jakob's pre-K teacher. He is the youngest in the class, so I kinda expected to hear it, but he is struggling with some concepts in class. For the most part he is right where he needs to be, but she said some things are more based on maturity, and since he is the youngest he hasnt gotten there yet. SO she reccomends holding a slot for him in Pre K and in Kindergarten. I am sad, but I kinda expected to hear it. Nathan took 2 years of Preschool. But I will be bummed out if he cant go on with his friends and have the same Kindergarten teacher as Nathan. I am sure we will be moving when Mike gets home so I really want Jake to be prepared for Kindergarten so whatever is best, I guess.

I need to file my taxes because I am itching to spend the money and have a savings again. I have a list of things I need to get, mostly fix up th ehouse so it will FREAKING sell already!!

OK. I will wrap this up. Sorry I havent blogged much. I mean to, I think about it, but I take turns blogging on myspace and here....check my myspace for a few other blogs.......or my blogger for some too....

PS - Riley now has 4 teeth, one more on the way. He turns 6 months old next week. He is weighing in last weekend at 18 pounds!! He is sitting npw too....they grow up too fast, maybe thats why I keep having more!!!

Missing him at Christmastime...

OK, so he is deployed now. I have a week under my belt now. Slowly getting into a routine. knowing that he has to be alone on Christmas just makes my heart hurt. It is our favorite holiday so it is sad for me....

On another note, I love the singer Colbie Caillat, she is from TO and that makes me happy and reminds me of home. Well, she wrote a song for the troops this holiday and here are the lyrics...

Great

Fake plastic Mistletoe

Wrap me in a great big bow

And tear me apart

It's Christmas time

So open up the flood gates

Tell me that you'll be late

And rip me apart

Cause you say that,

you say that things will be alright

But I've heard that,

I've heard that so many times

and I know that

It's not Christmas if the snow don't fall

And I'm still standing here 3 feet small

Lose our troubles because after all

It's Christmas time

Cold

Icing on the walkways

Slip in to the games we play

We're falling apart

A great big house

That's made out of ginger bread

Crumbles to the ground

We're breaking apart

But you said that,

you said that things would be alright

But I've heard that,

I've heard that so many times

and I know that

It's not Christmas if the snow don't fall

And I'm still standing here three feet small

Lose our troubles because after all

Its Christmas time

And I've been waiting for you to come

And it's hard cause I feel so alone

And I just want you to come home

And I've been waiting for you to come

And it's hard cause I feel so alone

And I just want you to come home

It's not Christmas when the snow don't fall

And I'm still standing here three feet small

Lose our troubles because after all

Its Christmas time

It's not Christmas when the snow don't fall

You're not here to keep me safe and warm

Lose our troubles because after all

Its Christmas time

It's Christmas time again

And all your friends, all your friends

Are smiling

It's Christmas time

I know, tear jerker. But I love it, so look it up and listen or watch the video on youtube.

Ok,so I am done now. a little depressing, so sorry about that, but I am doind alright. Mostly just trying to get through one day at a time. I have been trying to be really involved with Church and the FRG so that I stay busy and involved. We have Christmas party for Mike's work this weekend, they are doing for all the families, so I think we will go to that for sure.

It has been snowing like a MOFO out here and I am loving it. I am sure it will get old soon, but I love the first few snows of the season....especially when the snow is still pretty & fluffy......

TTYL <3

To My husband....

As you get ready to leave on deployment again, keep these words in your heart. I love you and will miss you with all my being. You are my world so come back to me soon.

"Wake Up"

I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.

I wish that I could stay but you argue.

More than this I wish you could've seen my face

In backseat staring out the window.

I'll do anything for you,

Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact

'Cause I will be coming back.

In a phrase to cut these lips,

I love you.

The morning will come

In the press of every kiss

With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you

With every waking breath

Until you decide to wake up.

I've earned through hope and faith

The curves around your face

That I'm the one you'll hold forever.

If morning never comes for either one of us,

Then this I pray to you wherever.

I'll do anything for you.

This story is for you.

('Cause I'd do anything you want me to... for you.)

I'll do anything for you,

Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact

'Cause I won't be coming back.

In a phrase to cut these lips,

I loved you.

The morning will come

In the press of every kiss

With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you

With every waking breath

Until you decide to wake up.

The morning will come

In the press of every kiss

With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you

With every waking breath

'Til you decide to wake up.

PS- Sorry so sappy. My husband is preparing to go back to Iraq for his 3rd tour. I am not looking forward to it. I am feeling a little overwhelmed, but I am sure we will be fine. (thus the lack of blogging the last few months....remember I have a new baby too.....)

**HUGS**

Update on mi vida...

Just livin life one day at a time. We are about a month away from the next deployment and Mike and I are just trying to make the most of everyday we have. We do EVERYTHING together, as a family lately, which is great....and sometimes I just let him take the boys ( at least the bigger ones). House still is sitting on the market, probably for eternity....

We have a new realtor comng to meet with me tomorrow, so hopefully something will happen. It is really incredibly hard to keep the house in pristine, clean condition with 3 boys & a husband around. Riley is growing like a weed, he is just such a little man. He is about 10 weeks old this week and the time has gone waaay too fast. He started to laugh last week, and it melts my heart when I hear it!! We will be celebrating Halloween this week and soon, heading on vacation up to Winter Park for some fun in the snow, My fmaily comes to visit the following weekend for the Baptism, and then Thanksgiving....So hopefully I will get a chance to hop on here and blog...I am sure I will need some venting room soon!!

Happy Birthday to my Own Mommy....

Today is my mom's birthday. She is my best friend and I truly would be lost without her. We still talk at least once a day and she gives the best advice. My husband still gets irritated when I say I want my mom's input on some things. She has been there when I needed her the most and I just hope my family back home in CA gives her the birthday she deserves....like at least for them to remember today is her birthday!!! Hopefully my dad will take her out to a nice dinner or my soster will not argue with her. My brother is home visiting today and I hope he will treat her to a nice lunch or something before he hops on his train.

Happy Birthday Mom ( Bama) We love you and miss you sooooo much!!

3 Cathedral's :: Under Construction

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going - she's going - she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:"To Linda , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Linda. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.


(I don't know who wrote this....but I love it. I got it from one of MOMs groups...)

Still alive....but in Survival Mode!!

OK, I am back...somewhat....forgive me for completely forgeting about you, blogger!!! Anyways, I had the baby, another boy ( big surprise!) named Riley. He weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds and 22 inches. Now that he is here, and turning a month old this week, I figured I should update this a bit. He was sleeping really well until the past few nights. I think we are in the midst of a growth spurt. I am nursing still, thus my extreme exhaustion, but I am surviving. Thanks to my husband who has given me a cold when I can't take any medicine to cure it....I have had a migraine for 3 weeks now, thanks to my epidural, so I am opping my ibuprofin way too much!
Don't let it sound like I am bitchy. I am very happy, and this is the only place you will ever find me really complaining. I put on my happy face everyday. I love having 3 boys, I can't stop kissing and snuggling my baby boy and am waiting for that big ol smile to show ( on pupose, not from having gas)
My step son is back with his mom in CA and adjusting to middle school well, but he doesn't like having to walk to all his classes. Nathan has started 2nd grade and has his first nun for a teacher. She is this adorable little old spanish lady. And Jake started Pre K this year, has a girl friend and broke his glasses all in the first week of school....but that is my life and I love it.
I will post some pics soon....