Letter of Acceptance....

OK, I will try not to break into tears again as I type this.

As you all know, I have been going to Nursing school for an eternity, mostly sitting on wait lists, just to pull myself off due to babies and moving and all that. I am ready to just suck it up and finish.
Well, When Mike came home from Iraq, before we even started trying to get prego, we had the talk....to finsh now or later in life. I want to have my babies close in age and stay home with them while I can. Our decision was to go ahead with the baby making, and I was fine with putting off school for awhile. I even chose to take this at home Real Estate course, which is still a work in progress.
I have had a hard time with this home school, it is hard to get really excited about something your not passionate about. I even went back to work for awhile to get Nursing out of my system, maybe work in different areas, try new things. But I still love it, even when it sucked. Go Figure. Well, today is a new high for me...and a low at the same time.
Today I got my letter of acceptance to the Nursing Program. I have met all the general Ed requirements, and a separate letter wants me to come meet with the Dean as to what my schedule should be since I have already taken about half of the first semester classes. Well, as I read the letter, I started to bawl. Go Figure once again!!
This letter is what I have been waiting YEARS to get, I am so close, yet so far....remember my choice to make babies right now and stay home with my kids. I am so proud to get it, to know that I really am ready to finish school, but my life is moving on already. I mean, My Mandatory orientation is 4 days before my due date. And anyone who knows Nursing school, I will never be home, it is like a full time job, with now pay and shitty hours. I will have to change Jake's preschool, Find after school care for Jake and full time day care for Riley.....Everything I DON"T want for my kids.
I sobbed for about 2 hours as I tried to explain to my husband that I am still OK with our decision, just give me some time to deal. He wants me to go back and finish, he thinks I will hold a grudge against him for making me stay home and not finish school. SO NOT TRUE!! It is my choice in the end, he will support whatever I decide. I am just mad I am even in this situation. I wish I got rejected, then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I plan on finishing someday soon. Probably when Riley is in Kindergarten or something.
My life is wonderful, I have so many blessings. I really needed the extra confidence todays letter gave me. I haveto sit down and write a letter stating my decision. It will be hard, but I haveto do it. I think today just made my plans that much more real to me. I love my kids and when they all came up to my room to consol me, I knew I made the right choice. I love them so much, I love that I can spend time with them!! I would have to leave them to someone else's care if I went back and would not see them too much, and that is NOT why I had kids.

Sorry if this blog was kinda all over, But I am happy to get the good news, sad that the time isn't right. I am a mix of emotions, it doesn't help that I am very pregnant too.