Choices.

I have had a tough few days deciding weather or not I need to seize this opportunity to finish my degree. If you asked me yesterday, I would have said, I am gonna do it, it won't be that bad. But after a long talk with my mom and a morning phone call with my Grandma, I think I am ok with the decision to defer for a year. I just can't see starting school on my due date...pumping through class, and worrying about where my kids are and all that. The timing is just off, as is the story of my life. I figure next year, I will have a better idea where we will be career wise, the baby will be a year, and I will just know more where the future is headed. I am fine with the fact that I will raise my children first, then focus on my career. I would rathger be here for them now when they need me the most than to not be around. I plan to go back when the youngest, weather it be Riley or another one after that, when they are in elementry school, this way they will still know the importance of getting an education, and then I will be able to use Mike's GI Bill instead of accumulating loans (he is getting it in his reenlistment contract). It will work out for the best, and I still have my CNA so should I feel the need to get into working, I still have that.
I was very perplexed about all of this, but I feel at peace with my decision. I think it was my Grandma that convinced me it was ok. She talks with my Great Aunt alot. She was also an Army Wife for 35 years, they had 7 kids, lived in Germany for 10 years, and SHE said she doesn't know how I do it....I look at her and think WTF??? I feel I am lucky, my kids are good so I don't mind having alot of them around, I love to travel, I know I am strong enough and have enough independance to stand on my own. I have had a baby without my husband standing by my side, it sucks, but I know what this job entails. It is harder than any college degree, thats for sure.
My grandma told me that I am the only opinion that matters. I have raised wonderful kids, majority of the time I am on my own. She envies my strength and tells me that my boys will appriciate that in itself. My husband is persuing his degree right now, so My boys will indeed realize the importance of education, they already know that mommy attended college part of the time.
Sop oin the end I am happy with my decision, I am respected for it and feel that this is what is right at this time. I am still gonna take a few classes, to get them out of the way, but I just need to be with my kids and focus on the situation at hand. We have a deployment around the corner and possibly a BIG move to Germany after that, so I want to be with my family now.
Thanks for all the support from my family and friends, I don't feel like a complete failure now. I love you all and miss you bunches.