Missing him at Christmastime...

OK, so he is deployed now. I have a week under my belt now. Slowly getting into a routine. knowing that he has to be alone on Christmas just makes my heart hurt. It is our favorite holiday so it is sad for me....

On another note, I love the singer Colbie Caillat, she is from TO and that makes me happy and reminds me of home. Well, she wrote a song for the troops this holiday and here are the lyrics...

Great

Fake plastic Mistletoe

Wrap me in a great big bow

And tear me apart

It's Christmas time

So open up the flood gates

Tell me that you'll be late

And rip me apart

Cause you say that,

you say that things will be alright

But I've heard that,

I've heard that so many times

and I know that

It's not Christmas if the snow don't fall

And I'm still standing here 3 feet small

Lose our troubles because after all

It's Christmas time

Cold

Icing on the walkways

Slip in to the games we play

We're falling apart

A great big house

That's made out of ginger bread

Crumbles to the ground

We're breaking apart

But you said that,

you said that things would be alright

But I've heard that,

I've heard that so many times

and I know that

It's not Christmas if the snow don't fall

And I'm still standing here three feet small

Lose our troubles because after all

Its Christmas time

And I've been waiting for you to come

And it's hard cause I feel so alone

And I just want you to come home

And I've been waiting for you to come

And it's hard cause I feel so alone

And I just want you to come home

It's not Christmas when the snow don't fall

And I'm still standing here three feet small

Lose our troubles because after all

Its Christmas time

It's not Christmas when the snow don't fall

You're not here to keep me safe and warm

Lose our troubles because after all

Its Christmas time

It's Christmas time again

And all your friends, all your friends

Are smiling

It's Christmas time

I know, tear jerker. But I love it, so look it up and listen or watch the video on youtube.

Ok,so I am done now. a little depressing, so sorry about that, but I am doind alright. Mostly just trying to get through one day at a time. I have been trying to be really involved with Church and the FRG so that I stay busy and involved. We have Christmas party for Mike's work this weekend, they are doing for all the families, so I think we will go to that for sure.

It has been snowing like a MOFO out here and I am loving it. I am sure it will get old soon, but I love the first few snows of the season....especially when the snow is still pretty & fluffy......

TTYL <3

To My husband....

As you get ready to leave on deployment again, keep these words in your heart. I love you and will miss you with all my being. You are my world so come back to me soon.

"Wake Up"

I'm going to ride this plane out of your life again.

I wish that I could stay but you argue.

More than this I wish you could've seen my face

In backseat staring out the window.

I'll do anything for you,

Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact

'Cause I will be coming back.

In a phrase to cut these lips,

I love you.

The morning will come

In the press of every kiss

With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you

With every waking breath

Until you decide to wake up.

I've earned through hope and faith

The curves around your face

That I'm the one you'll hold forever.

If morning never comes for either one of us,

Then this I pray to you wherever.

I'll do anything for you.

This story is for you.

('Cause I'd do anything you want me to... for you.)

I'll do anything for you,

Kill anyone for you.

So leave yourself intact

'Cause I won't be coming back.

In a phrase to cut these lips,

I loved you.

The morning will come

In the press of every kiss

With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you

With every waking breath

Until you decide to wake up.

The morning will come

In the press of every kiss

With your head upon my chest

Where I will annoy you

With every waking breath

'Til you decide to wake up.

PS- Sorry so sappy. My husband is preparing to go back to Iraq for his 3rd tour. I am not looking forward to it. I am feeling a little overwhelmed, but I am sure we will be fine. (thus the lack of blogging the last few months....remember I have a new baby too.....)

**HUGS**

Update on mi vida...

Just livin life one day at a time. We are about a month away from the next deployment and Mike and I are just trying to make the most of everyday we have. We do EVERYTHING together, as a family lately, which is great....and sometimes I just let him take the boys ( at least the bigger ones). House still is sitting on the market, probably for eternity....

We have a new realtor comng to meet with me tomorrow, so hopefully something will happen. It is really incredibly hard to keep the house in pristine, clean condition with 3 boys & a husband around. Riley is growing like a weed, he is just such a little man. He is about 10 weeks old this week and the time has gone waaay too fast. He started to laugh last week, and it melts my heart when I hear it!! We will be celebrating Halloween this week and soon, heading on vacation up to Winter Park for some fun in the snow, My fmaily comes to visit the following weekend for the Baptism, and then Thanksgiving....So hopefully I will get a chance to hop on here and blog...I am sure I will need some venting room soon!!

Happy Birthday to my Own Mommy....

Today is my mom's birthday. She is my best friend and I truly would be lost without her. We still talk at least once a day and she gives the best advice. My husband still gets irritated when I say I want my mom's input on some things. She has been there when I needed her the most and I just hope my family back home in CA gives her the birthday she deserves....like at least for them to remember today is her birthday!!! Hopefully my dad will take her out to a nice dinner or my soster will not argue with her. My brother is home visiting today and I hope he will treat her to a nice lunch or something before he hops on his train.

Happy Birthday Mom ( Bama) We love you and miss you sooooo much!!

3 Cathedral's :: Under Construction

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going - she's going - she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:"To Linda , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

* These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Linda. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.


(I don't know who wrote this....but I love it. I got it from one of MOMs groups...)

Still alive....but in Survival Mode!!

OK, I am back...somewhat....forgive me for completely forgeting about you, blogger!!! Anyways, I had the baby, another boy ( big surprise!) named Riley. He weighed in at a whopping 10 pounds and 22 inches. Now that he is here, and turning a month old this week, I figured I should update this a bit. He was sleeping really well until the past few nights. I think we are in the midst of a growth spurt. I am nursing still, thus my extreme exhaustion, but I am surviving. Thanks to my husband who has given me a cold when I can't take any medicine to cure it....I have had a migraine for 3 weeks now, thanks to my epidural, so I am opping my ibuprofin way too much!
Don't let it sound like I am bitchy. I am very happy, and this is the only place you will ever find me really complaining. I put on my happy face everyday. I love having 3 boys, I can't stop kissing and snuggling my baby boy and am waiting for that big ol smile to show ( on pupose, not from having gas)
My step son is back with his mom in CA and adjusting to middle school well, but he doesn't like having to walk to all his classes. Nathan has started 2nd grade and has his first nun for a teacher. She is this adorable little old spanish lady. And Jake started Pre K this year, has a girl friend and broke his glasses all in the first week of school....but that is my life and I love it.
I will post some pics soon....

eternally pregnant...

That is how I feel. My official due date is actually August 12th....then the ultrasound said August 6th and the most recent ultrasound at 36 weeks said he was measuring at 38 weeks ( thanks to my babies and their LARGE "Charlie Brown" heads...) So technically, I am about 39 weeks today, and that would put this child at about 41 weeks!!! Seriously, can someone just shoot me and put me out of my misery!?!?! I am so tired and full of all kinds of aches and pains. Today we had a false labor episode, my midwife was on call so she just had me come in. I am apparently contracting every 2-3 minutes, so she said I wasn't crazy, I am also 3 cm dialated ( but I have been for about 2 weeks) she said my cervix is like "jello" so my labor is gonna go fast once I start to go.....so she scaped my membranes again....and sent me home to return as soon as I can feel my contractions more.....this sucks, I think I will be in labor for the next week or 2.
My next appointment is August 14th, the day after my family gets back on their plane to home!!! They will be here the 9th-13th...I warned them it was early, but they wanted to be here for Jakob's birthday too.....and hopefully the baby would be here already.

We can only dream can't we.....

The end is near....

The end of this pregnancy is almost here! It could be anyday now. I will do a little update....

I am 38 weeks-ish but This Baby has been cooked and ready to deliver for about 2 weeks now. We were given the green light at my last appoinment since my midwife is saying he is already closing in on 8 pounds ( I make big babies....) So we have just been trying to get him out...I take my dog on long walks around the l;ake, play soccer with the kids ( which is really sad to watch me try and play a sport...) we have been having prescribed sex...and nothing. Last night I thought maybe my water broke and was leaking, I figured if it was "time" it would wake me up and all that....NOPE nothing, probably just a leak ( I had it with Nathan....a fricken leak that closed back up!!) SO, Here I am. Spremely large and in charge, ready to pop...literally!! I have done well in the swelling dept, Just last night did my feet start to look like poofy chunks of lard!

I am ready to get this show on the road, we are aiming for this weekend. I have my checkup on Friday afternoon and they are stripping my membranes, so cross your fingers it works. Once my water breaks I usually only have about 4 hours till I deliver...judging on my past labor's.

I really need to have Riley out by next week, my family is coming to visit and then some friends are coming to visit right after, then the boys start school....so I really just don't have time for labor this month!!! I am laughing at myself and me trying to schedule my delivery....but I don't know what I would do if I didn't have it the way I wanted....like I said, wish me luck. I am pathetic!!

Fun Weekend!!

Cheers to Father's Day!!!

Pics from our weekend!!!

Michael on the Waterslide The beds in their room at the Broadmoor
TV Armoire and desk, patio
Vanity and dresser, across was a huge closet
View from their room (Nate's School!!)
Nate on the waterslide!

Nate again...
Mike and Jake swimming

I had a blast this weekend with my Aunt & Uncle!! I really miss them alot. My Aunt & I did alot of catching up and bonding which was great!! I never get to have one on one time with her because usually my Mother is there, adding her 2 cents....so it was great to just lay out by the pool and chat for 2 days!! We drank PIna COladas ( Yes, mine was vigin) and decided thatthey weren't as good as the Bay Club...We like to test drinks at different places. She wants us to egt stationed in Hawaii and she said she would possibly get a rental there so she could visit alot!! We shall see, but in the mean time, I really enjoyed just having them around!!

What to do?

I think we are going to sell our house. It is getting to be more than we can afford. Our monthly payment is going up by about $200 (more than we can budget...) Right at the same time our child support will be kicking back in (another couple hundred...) So, We are fixing it up as best we can on a budget. We have actual things to fix before hand...like a new garbage disposal (it hasn't worked in about a year), make the patio nicer with a coat of paint and removing some of the hideous 1970's decor, and some MAJOR decluttering.
I am debating going with a reator TEAM or with my friend that was the one that got me into real estate school, I am rooting for her. She is always having open houses, our kids are friends, and she's a fellow military wife. I think she would do good. But then I got a flyer for this REMAX rel estate team, that just sold their second house in our neighborhood, while about 10 other houses are still sitting. I was thinking about them, since they have more people to delegate to and can get more accomplished.....I am gonna have to wait until Mike gets home to help decide, but I think selling it is best. I don't want to be house poor, I don't want to have to try and sell it when Mike gets orders somewhere and we are on a time schedule...I figure, we have made a decent profit, enjoyed the experience but need to keep our ducks in a row and stay ahead of the game for once before we get forclosed on (which would be the end of me since my parents co signed with us on the house!!)

Then the debate on where to live, back onto post or somewhere else.....I think back on post is our best bet since it is ideal location, I already have built in carpools for the boys school, I know what neighborhoods I want to live in.
Mike still likes the idea of being off post, but doesn't want a commute, so since he will be leaving for Iraq, he said I can pick wherever since I will have to live there alone....

OK, Sorry for the rambling. I think blogging helps me focus on my dilemmas. But That is just a little update.

Blog Tag.

Krissi Blog Tagged me!

One Word Answers:
Yourself: round
Your Partner: rock
Your Hair: long
Your Mother: obsessive
Your Father: golfer
Your Favorite Item: projects
Your Dream Last Night: nice
Your Favorite Drink: Pop (for Tracie)
Your Dream Car: convertible
Your Dream Home: farm
The Room You Are In: basement
Your Fear: earthquakes
You Want To Be In 10 Years: nurse
Who You Hung Out With Last Night: spawn
Your Not: skinny
One Of Your Wishlist Items: money
The Last Thing You Did: discipline
You Are Wearing: jeans
Your Favorite Weather: autumn
Your Favorite Book: whatever
Last Thing You Ate: sandwich
Your life: dream
Your Mood: anxious
Your Best Friend: Mike

What Are You Thinking About Right Now: sleep
Your Car: charcoal
What Are You Doing At The Moment: typing
Relationship Status: Married
What Is On Your TV: nothing
What Is The Weather Like: cloudy
When Is The Last Time You Laughed: minutes

Okay Now I get to Tag 3 people :P
Tracie, Kim, Georgia

keeping busy...

I am trying to keep busy these days. I am so excited about the baby, I can't sit still!! Last night I painted the nursery, tonight I will hang the blinds and cutains and tomorrow I can hang all the wall decor and stuff...I am always waaay too prepared when it comes to having the baby, I have had the crib set up since I was about 20 weeks...
Mike has been gone to NTC, leaving me with the herd we call our children. I forced them to sign up for summer reading program's to help keep them occupied, but they still make me nuts!! They helped me paint last night, but I can' only do so much...my energy level is nill after I have a day of housework and painting!
So Mike should be home next week sometime. My Aunt Jeannie & Uncle Bobn are comeing to visit on Friday thru Tuesday, I think. They are going to go to Aspen for a few days, They are the ones that sent us to Aspen right before Mike deployed, I had taken alot of pics, and they wanted to try the St Regis too!! So they will get to enjoy it in the summer, then they come down here for 4 days at the Broadmoor!! I love it, I can see what a room there looks like, we will get to enjoy a day at the pool too (per Nates request)!! It will be like a mini vacation here at home!! I have no clue what to do with them other than that. I am treating them to the Flying W Ranch dinner, and maybe a day at the zoo....but I don't know what else they may want to do!?!??!
After they leave, I am supposed to be having a Pampered Chef party, but I think I may postpone it until after the baby. I know someone that just had one, and don't really know who I would invite anyways. We will see....
Anyways, I have a busy couple of weeks coming up here. So if I don't keep up enough on my blog, shoot me an email or call me!!
We will be busy fixing up our house. We are probably going to be putting it on the market sooner than later, so we have to get cracken on making it nice and not ghetto!!

Wish us Luck!!

1 more....Dr Appt...

My Dr Appt went well. All is good. Wweight is maitained, BP was super low and good, Baby was moving and had a good heart rate.
Just have to wait fo rthe Glucose and CBC results to see if I am getting Anemic again. Got reffered to a chiropractor, even though my insurance won't cover it, but I need it badly.
So now I wait and see.

Old friends.

I can't say it enough. I really love my friends back home. I got back in touch with one of my best friends from high school. I miss being home with these people. I can pick up where I left off with them, and it is like no time has passed. I have only made maybe 3 or 4 friends like that since I left CA. I still talk to them or email with them all the time.
So here is to the old friends that havce kept me sane the last few weeks. I love you. It gived me renewed faith that there are people who are out there that are genuine friends. That won't throw things back in your face when they are done with you. I am glad that even when we are separated by thousands of miles or a few blocks, that we are there for each other.

And can I mention, that my SIL Tater, is awesome. We talk everyday. Mostly about how F'd up our family can be or the crackhead strippers she see's at work. But she is always always there for me. She makes me laugh everyday, so I thank her bunches.

Venting about my days...

Last night sucked. Today is starting to suck already. I need to get away and from all this crapola around here.

I hate having to bake for school functions at the last minute. I hate when one of my gifted children trips over himself and rips his pants up the entire back of his leg, and I agree to sew it if they are clean and on the table on Saturday...not 9pm Monday night!! I hate when my husband tells me I do nothing all day, and gives me shit for not working because he works all day long. I hate doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen for the millionth time. I hate refolding laundry because my kids didn't put it away when I asked, so they stepped all over it and I had to redo. I hate when they sit and watch Heroes and are annoyed when I ask to take the brownies out of the oven, we have TIVO, you can pause it.

That was my night, I did the dishes in tears because I am feeling miserable lately.

Then today, I don't see why people can't just leave well enough alone. I admit, I have faults, I gossip. I probably shouldn't do it in a public forum like Myspace. Lesson Learned. So, Thanks for calling me out and making me feel a little more like ass today. Can we all move on now?

OK, I am off to my doctor's appointment, hopefully I will get the referral to a chiropractor I am wanting. My Sciatic Nerve is getting attacked by this baby, and it isn't fun anymore. My whole spine is a mess, and yoga's not helping anymore.

My hubby leaves this weekend for a month. I just hope he is back in time for Father's Day. We have plans and family coming to visit, and a brunch to attend that day. I want to spend it with him for once.

PS- I really can't wait for my family to visit, it will be "similar" to a vacation just to be around them again. Aunt Jeannie and Uncle Bob should be here around Father's day, hence the nice Brunch. Apparently I have a cousin living in Denver, but I haven't seen him since I was 9! He is supposed to join us all for Brunch that day. Not too much later, my Grandma and Mommy are visiting for a weekend to keep me company and make sure I have all the baby stuff. Then this summer we have some friends coming to go camping with their kids, which will rock and Mike's friend is coming for a rock climbing trip. It should make for a nice summer!

OK, I am done. Have a nice day.

Long Time, No Blog...

It has been craziness around here. We are broke and that is usually when family emergencies occur, am I right?? Well, Mike is in CA for the weekend, he gets home Sunday and leaves Monday to go back to CA for NTC at Ft Irwin for 30 days. So I am already living as if he is gone. I am looking at the calender and this is a LONG pay period...we are broke as of Monday when my mortgage payment goes through, so That goodness school is out this week, so next week I won't really need to drive anywhere. Sports are over as of today (ALLELUIA!!!) I love that my kids play sports! One of them is so into it, it is ridiculous. The Other was into it until his first practice, since then it is like pulling teeth to get him to go. But We are stubborn parents and make our kids finish what they start. We invested about $300 in that kid and the equipment for Football, so he had to attend every practice and every game. So today is the last games for both boys and I am so happy that I won't have to be Supermom anymore. I would drive Downtown to Memorial Park for Football, and then up to Cotton Wood park on the North side of town or back down to El Pomar....That has just been recently too. Until about 2 weeks ago, Nate had Wrestling as well, luckily those were during the week, except for that final tournament. So I can rest, Maybe I will start getting my energy back now. I have been drained from this pregnancy and being supermom to my kids. I have been making them take on a few more chores around the house like they have to put their laundry away, pick weeds....fun stuff like that.
My Midwife really said I need to take it down another notch, she told me to stop working as a CNA, cause it was gonna put me on bed rest ( I kinda was working like I wasn't prego, I can't let my patients go without, I was lifting old men into their wheel chairs and stuff like that) So I quit working, I am now, not resting enough, thus the tiredness....She is afraid that I am becoming Anemic again too. I was with Jake and it wore me out completely. So my appointment is on Tuesday, hopefully all my blood work will come back OK again. I get to endure the lovely Glucose Test, which she says I can eat before...I remember starving to death the morning of my last 2 tests and the first time I caved in and ate cereal and I had to go back for the second test!! So I may eat some breakfast but nothing after, I am going at noon.
OK, Now that I have rambled.....Today is Gma's funeral. I am sad I can't be there, but I think I am better off, I would be an emotional wreck. Mike has gotten to spend time with all his friends, which I know he needed desperately. We assume he will be going to Iraq in the next year, hopefully after Xmas. All our friends and family will be there, and they are having a wake afterwards to be a BBQ, since that was what Gma loved, all the family BB Q's!! They are always a blast! At one, I remember Gma getting a Lap Dance from an almost naked Scotty. But that was back when we called him Scotty 2 hotty, and he was the karate master....it would be scary to get one from him now, he kinda looks like the old stoner guy on That 70's Show. SO, I know Gma will be there in spirit, sitting in the yard talking trash with everyone. We all loved her so much. And that is apparent in all the people that are coming together today to celebrate her. I mean, All our friends from home called her Gma too. Some even cried as if it was there Gma!
So RIP Gma Gerry, we love you and miss you.


The End...

Dropping like flies...

It seems that way to me. My friends and family are vanishing and I am stuck in my house in CO with no way to do anything about it. Today is my friend Aaron's funeral. I wish I could go, he was a really funny guy, everyone should have met him at least once. I talked to our friend Kelly last night, who was his best friend, he sounded great on the phone. He said it just didn't feel real yet, it happened so fast and it's just not real until you go to the funeral for something so tragic. So my heart and mind are with them today. Kelly said he would give everyone hugs for me. Him and his wife are supposed to come visit this summer with their kids. They Mike & I 's best friends from home. Kelly is Mike's BF and my ex.....and Brooke is one of my go friends from homt too, our kids are the same age and we all get along so great, I can't wait to see them all!!

OK that was a random rant, but I am trying to see the best of things this week, which is hard.

This morning, I got a phone call from My SIL Tatum telling me that Mike's Gma "Bubby" is in the hospital. She had a heart attack last night, so they brought her in....supposedly she wasn't feeling well for a few days before that, but they made her go to work so they could pay their bills....don't get me started on Mike's family. Anyways, she is now in the ICU, on a ventilator and they don't give her a good prognosis. She is 80 years old, I knew this day would come someday...but besides my SIL Tatum, Bubby was the only other one I really liked on that side. She lived with us on and off over the years and was always working her ass off. She lived with us out here in CO for awhile, she drove me nuts sometimes, but I loved her. She was always a good conversation, had amazing stories to tell, would tell me about my husband when he was a little guy and how much our kids were like him.
I really hope she makes it, but maybe won't be able to work anymore or his family will continue to take advantage of her.
Pray for her today, she is a strong old woman, this is her 4th heartattack so we shall see if she pulls through.

Seriously, is this week over yet?!?!?!?

Friends passing.

Today I got a wake up email from an old friend. It was telling me the tragic news of another of our old friends passing away last night. He wasn't my best friend by no means, but we hung out with the same group for a few years. He dated my best friend, and he was always around to make you laugh, usually at his own expense. His mom was a Tarot card reader, she would read your palms too, we always had a good time. He was the childhood best friend of one of my ex's, Mike's Best Friend (the one that set me up with Mike, go figure) .

Anyways, I hate to hear news like this, an old friend, you expect to run into again someday when your in your hometown at a party or something, just gone.

He had been visiting his family in Vegas and fell asleep driving home. Just a tragic accident. If you have ever driven that stretch of desert highway from vegas to LA, you know exactly how crazy a drive it can be....the speed limit is apparently 100mph!!!!

I called to tell my sister in law about him, she was friends with him too. And she wentto check the paper and see if it said anything yet, she said it showed the accident from the day before that killed an entire 6 person family, the same strech of highway!!! So pray for these families, especially the Behar family, this will hit them hard since they were a very very close family!!

I have no idea why it all hit me so hard today, I guess it just hit me, that my friends are dying. I just lost another friend at Christmas time, my friend Josh died of a heroin overdose. That was the main reason we stopped hanging out with him, he and one of my best friends started getting into heavy duty drugs, so I withdrew myself and haven't really talked to either of them since. I guess tehy went their separate ways, but she was in jail for a year, thanks to dealing drugs and DUI's and his family moved him to South Carolina to start a new life. He was supposedly starting anew. He had a fiancee, a newborn baby girl, only 1 month old. His fiancee found him face down on the bed, with the needle still in his arm.....6 months of sobriety down the drain to sneak out in the middle of the night for a fix.

I love my old friends I really do, they are part of my life forever and always. But I don't feeli lik eit is fair that majority of us have become wonderful people, did the family/ marraige thing, then a few seem to have gotten left behind.

Here is to my Old School friends of the past. I love you all and miss you guys tons, even if I don't get to tell you everyday. We will always be connected somehow!!!

Choices.

I have had a tough few days deciding weather or not I need to seize this opportunity to finish my degree. If you asked me yesterday, I would have said, I am gonna do it, it won't be that bad. But after a long talk with my mom and a morning phone call with my Grandma, I think I am ok with the decision to defer for a year. I just can't see starting school on my due date...pumping through class, and worrying about where my kids are and all that. The timing is just off, as is the story of my life. I figure next year, I will have a better idea where we will be career wise, the baby will be a year, and I will just know more where the future is headed. I am fine with the fact that I will raise my children first, then focus on my career. I would rathger be here for them now when they need me the most than to not be around. I plan to go back when the youngest, weather it be Riley or another one after that, when they are in elementry school, this way they will still know the importance of getting an education, and then I will be able to use Mike's GI Bill instead of accumulating loans (he is getting it in his reenlistment contract). It will work out for the best, and I still have my CNA so should I feel the need to get into working, I still have that.
I was very perplexed about all of this, but I feel at peace with my decision. I think it was my Grandma that convinced me it was ok. She talks with my Great Aunt alot. She was also an Army Wife for 35 years, they had 7 kids, lived in Germany for 10 years, and SHE said she doesn't know how I do it....I look at her and think WTF??? I feel I am lucky, my kids are good so I don't mind having alot of them around, I love to travel, I know I am strong enough and have enough independance to stand on my own. I have had a baby without my husband standing by my side, it sucks, but I know what this job entails. It is harder than any college degree, thats for sure.
My grandma told me that I am the only opinion that matters. I have raised wonderful kids, majority of the time I am on my own. She envies my strength and tells me that my boys will appriciate that in itself. My husband is persuing his degree right now, so My boys will indeed realize the importance of education, they already know that mommy attended college part of the time.
Sop oin the end I am happy with my decision, I am respected for it and feel that this is what is right at this time. I am still gonna take a few classes, to get them out of the way, but I just need to be with my kids and focus on the situation at hand. We have a deployment around the corner and possibly a BIG move to Germany after that, so I want to be with my family now.
Thanks for all the support from my family and friends, I don't feel like a complete failure now. I love you all and miss you bunches.

Letter of Acceptance....

OK, I will try not to break into tears again as I type this.

As you all know, I have been going to Nursing school for an eternity, mostly sitting on wait lists, just to pull myself off due to babies and moving and all that. I am ready to just suck it up and finish.
Well, When Mike came home from Iraq, before we even started trying to get prego, we had the talk....to finsh now or later in life. I want to have my babies close in age and stay home with them while I can. Our decision was to go ahead with the baby making, and I was fine with putting off school for awhile. I even chose to take this at home Real Estate course, which is still a work in progress.
I have had a hard time with this home school, it is hard to get really excited about something your not passionate about. I even went back to work for awhile to get Nursing out of my system, maybe work in different areas, try new things. But I still love it, even when it sucked. Go Figure. Well, today is a new high for me...and a low at the same time.
Today I got my letter of acceptance to the Nursing Program. I have met all the general Ed requirements, and a separate letter wants me to come meet with the Dean as to what my schedule should be since I have already taken about half of the first semester classes. Well, as I read the letter, I started to bawl. Go Figure once again!!
This letter is what I have been waiting YEARS to get, I am so close, yet so far....remember my choice to make babies right now and stay home with my kids. I am so proud to get it, to know that I really am ready to finish school, but my life is moving on already. I mean, My Mandatory orientation is 4 days before my due date. And anyone who knows Nursing school, I will never be home, it is like a full time job, with now pay and shitty hours. I will have to change Jake's preschool, Find after school care for Jake and full time day care for Riley.....Everything I DON"T want for my kids.
I sobbed for about 2 hours as I tried to explain to my husband that I am still OK with our decision, just give me some time to deal. He wants me to go back and finish, he thinks I will hold a grudge against him for making me stay home and not finish school. SO NOT TRUE!! It is my choice in the end, he will support whatever I decide. I am just mad I am even in this situation. I wish I got rejected, then it wouldn't hurt so bad. I plan on finishing someday soon. Probably when Riley is in Kindergarten or something.
My life is wonderful, I have so many blessings. I really needed the extra confidence todays letter gave me. I haveto sit down and write a letter stating my decision. It will be hard, but I haveto do it. I think today just made my plans that much more real to me. I love my kids and when they all came up to my room to consol me, I knew I made the right choice. I love them so much, I love that I can spend time with them!! I would have to leave them to someone else's care if I went back and would not see them too much, and that is NOT why I had kids.

Sorry if this blog was kinda all over, But I am happy to get the good news, sad that the time isn't right. I am a mix of emotions, it doesn't help that I am very pregnant too.

Routine.

I am getting back into my old routine.
I really enjoy cooking and haven't done so for a long time...other than the basic whip it together thing for dinner. I used to go online and get ricipes for great dinners and plan my menu for the week. I did it today and bought all my stuff. I can't wait!! Tonight was homemade pizza and Italian Salad (kinda like the Olive Garden Slad) I also get to make my fave Spinach Lasagna Rolls, I stole it from Everyday Italian on Food Network, but it is so yummy and easy.
I feel like I never have enough time in the day to get everything done. No school work today thanks to grocery shopping and lunch with the hubby. But tomorrow, it is a yoga, homework, laundry day so hopefully I will get everything on my list checked off.

A breath of fresh air...

The last week or so has been hard on me. But this past weekend was just about as close to heaven on earth as it could be. I found that now that I have let go of the things that were holding me down, making me feel worthless, I have begun a new chapter in my life. Just being with my kids and my family while I can is such a blessing. I spent time with my husband, who will be deploying to Iraq again soon. My boys, we went to all their games and cheered them on. I spent time with my step son, whom, despite what people feel my opinion is about him, I love him a ton. He will be going to live with his Mom again this summer, so we are spending a lot of family time together. My younger boys cuddled with me on the couch and put their heads on my growing belly. Nathan felt Riley kick for the first time on Sunday. It is times like this I thank God for all the blessings I have. I spent time with a new friend on Saturday afternoon, I took my younger boys for a play date, the kids played so well, no yelling, all the kiddos were helpful and no fighting. Me and Charlie talked and talked, it was great to have another mom on the same level as me to chat with. I even got to snuggle her baby girl, Lily. It really was a nice weekend. I feel like I am starting fresh this week. I have nothing holding me down now. I am moving forward with school and finished another 3 chapters last week, so I am getting closer to being done. My house is nice and clean (minus the mystery of the disappearing dustpan) and my kids are all down to one sport a piece. I am enjoying meeting the new people in my life, but I think I will be flying solo for awhile. Just me and my kids, like it used to be. I miss my old friends, and welcome meeting new people, but drama gets the better of people sometimes and I am content being alone. I guess I am like my husband in that sense, he doesn't even like having neighbors.

It was our anniversary last week!!

Just a quick shout out to Kelly, who baby sat so my husband and I could go out to dinenr alone, for the first time in about 4 years. Yep, It was our 5 year anniversary last week, and it was the first time we were together and on a date to celebrate. He is always either in Iraq or in the field or we celebrate it on another day.
We went to dinner at Buca De Beppos. We pigged out on Chicken Marsala, Fetticine, salad, and of course, TiraMisu.
It was nice to be able to just enjoy each others company, and make fun of the crazy family next to us. I miss those days. We used to go out all the time before kids. We tried all kinds of places.
But we love our kiddos and they just make eating an adventure!!

A Quickie

I am an Army Wife, I should be use to losing good friends. Some of my bestest friends have moved away to place like Texas, Kentucky , Alabama, and Georgia. But I still talk to them all the time.
So what do you do when your friends that are still here feel like they are thousands of miles away, and you don't talk to them on a regular basis anymore. Well, you could do what I have done, become a hermit. I am trying to meet some new people to do stuff with. I have met a few. I am even trying to just be a better friend to the ones I have in other areas, like the other moms at school, the friends we have from CA that just moved here. My husband doesn't want me being a depressed bum anymore. He gives me Army advice "just suck it up and move on" he tells me it is their loss, I have a million other good friends that love me and talk to me all the time. But these were my best friends for the last year, it is hard to assume they don't like me anymore. I just chalk it up to our busy lives, but it hurts.

So that was my quickie on friendship.

I miss my friends, those near and those far.

I hate Deployments....

OK, we are however many months away from our next deployment. Just got my hubs back from the last year long one back in November, he knocked me up (as romantic as that sounds) anticipating that he will be here to bond with the baby for a few months before he heads out again, and low and behold, the Army screwed us again....He could be leaving as soon as Aug 15th (3 days after my due date...) And the cherry on top is that not only will he be gone for a Year....NOW IT IS 15 Months!!

What a load a crap the government is feeding the general public, They say they are doing it to make it fair on everyone "all soldiers must share the burden" Well, I call BULLSHIT!! This will be my husbands 3rd tour over there. All he wants to do is get out. That is why he signed the Unit of Action contract to stablize our family and for 3 years to include 1 tour in Iraq....well, they locked him in and now they will own us until 2009. They tell the public about this year long downtime at home....well, my hubby just got home in Novemeber, He did get his 30 days of leave, but has worked 12 hour days and now has been in the field for the past week, then he goes to NTC in CA for a month, Then they want him to squeeze in his school for 2 weeks down in Ft Hood....all before August. WOW....That is a NONEXISTANT 12 MONTHS!!!

OK, Sorry for the rant, but I needed it.

On an even more depressing note, I am in the process of taking out another life insurance on my husband. I am just so petrified of this next deployment, after hearing it would be longer, I freaked. I don't know what I would do without him and be left with 4 kids alone in Colorado.....

Sorry, that was a bummer blog.

TOO COLD!!

I think it is too damn cold today. I am not one for freezing rain or ice on everything. I am a clutz, so I choose to try and not go anywhere when the weather gets like this. I am prego and very off balance. When I was pregnant with Nathan I was walking and totally missed the curb and ate it on my stomach, I hurried and got up ran in the house because, summer time in CA, everyone was outside and saw me....I am pretty lame.

So Nathan's opening day of Soccer, got cancelled this morning. Mike took Little Mike to his football game, again, 9am in the ice, I would die, so Dad is video taping for me, Nate went along for the ride, supposedly to cheer his brother on, but he told me he wants to see him get tackled....nice brotherly love in action.

Me and my fellow mom's were supposed to conquer the Yard Sale circut this morning, but due to the weather, no such luck!

So I am down to my last planned activity for the day, my friend Ashley's Baby Shower. I just found out about it yesterday. She has come home from Germany to visit, my friend Christina is down from Nebraska, so it should be a fun time. I miss Christina so very much. We used to do everything together. LITERALLY!! We gave birth a day apart, I cut her son's umbilical cord!! So, here's to good friends!

First Blog. That's all.

Ok, I had to get onto Blogger, since all the blogs I read are on here. I highly doubt people are reading my myspace blog with the intensity that I read my blogs on here. So .....

Me in a nutshell.
I am a 26 Year Old Mom. I have 2 boys, Nathan (7) and Jakob (3) with Boy #3 on the way, making his debut this Summer. His name will be Riley, because we like it.
I married my love of my life. His name is Mike. He joined the Army about 5 years ago, so that we could move out of our hometown, out of my mom's house and be self sufficient for once. It has been great for us, other than he has gone to Iraq for 2 year long tours. He will be leaving again at the end of the summer, hopefully we will have a month of new baby before he goes again.

We live in Colorado Springs, CO. Plan to stay here forever and not go back to CA except to visit.
So, Anyways, that is me. I will be blogging more as I feel the need. Thanks for reading and Talk to ya soon!